Young Men Today Aren’t REAL MEN (like my grandpa)

man wearing white crew neck t shirt and fitted cap holding two glass jars
Photo by Oliver Sjöström on

We’ve reached the point where the average 90-year-old shitting his pants at a retirement home is way more badass than any 20-year-old.

“World War II wasn’t like that”, my grandpa would always tell me while I was storming the beaches of Normandy on Call of Duty. “It was way fucking cooler.”

He was a badass. My grandpa had his legs blown off at Omaha Beach and crawled his way to Berlin where he ripped Hitler’s nuts off and told Stalin to suck his dick. He then jumped on the Enola Gay and torched Hiroshima and Nagasaki like a fuckin boss. He died doing what he loved: killing pedestrians while going down the wrong side of the highway.

Kids today will never know.

When I was growing up, teachers told us that we had to fight. They provided us with brass knuckles and switchblades and told us “if all else fails, cut the mother fucker open.” Those were the good days.

Nowadays, kids with their Reddits, Twitters, and internet pornography, they’ll never have the experience of staring down the barrel of a Glock. They’ll never know the pain of digging through a dumpster in vain hopes of finding a used, crusty Penthouse. It’s those experiences that build character.

We should return to the days when men were MEN.

REAL men shower together NAKED. REAL men whip out their cocks and compare sizes. REAL men grease up their swirly-haired chests and wrestle each other NAKED. That’s how REAL men spend their days, JUST like my grandpa.

But alas, youths today will never know.

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