I was going 9-0 down some backroads when my boss called.
“You fucked us over.” he said
“Pardon?” I asked
“You fucked us over when you didn’t change out the canisters. Do you know what a pain in the ass this is? How did this happen?”
“I guess it got overlooked, sir.”
I have few talents. None, actually.
Scratch that…there is ONE thing I’m good at: walking around and pretending that I’m capable. Having two bullshit degrees from two bullshit schools on a bullshit resume is helpful. It lets employers know that you’re capable of bullshit. I look the part. Sound the part. And occasionally I play the managerial ass-kissing game. Those are the only skills you need.
But I don’t actually know the part.
Know what I mean?
Which is why I occasionally get calls like this one. I mean, that’s what happens when you place unqualified people into unqualified positions.
I’m an actor. I’m a pretender. I don’t actually know anything.
That should have been my career.
But I joined the Army instead. Then I got talked into going to college. And worse yet, I got talked into attending ROTC. Thankfully I never became an officer, but it did help me in one regard: it helped me transfer my great “pretending” skills into something useful.
At least seemingly useful.
It introduced me to concepts like HONOR, INTEGRITY, and BULLSHIT, BULLSHIT, and BULLSHIT. Because if people believe that you take that shit seriously, then they’ll believe you’re a capable person. Or better yet, they believe that you’re capable of something much higher: middle management.
So I took my diploma. Went out into the workforce. Shook some hands. Smiled. And worked on my drinking habit.
But I just wasn’t there.
“What do you want to be today, Wes?”, I’ll occasionally ask myself.
Nothing. Not an Army officer. Not a canister-changer. Not a writer. Not a man. Not a woman. Not American. Not Canadian. Not human. Not of this earth. Hell, I don’t even want to write this blog. Nothing.
But we’re all in a rush to be something.
We are all going 90mph down a shitty backroad to nowhere.