I disown most of the things I’ve said here…

adult dark depressed face
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I don’t know if I’m depressed.

Maybe I’ve run into a wall.

Maybe I’m just an idiot.

Perhaps it’s all of the above.

But I just can’t muster up the energy to give a shit. I realized this today when I saw Jim Carrey’s shitty painting of that girl from Kent State.

“Jesus fucking Christ”, I thought.

It’s a dark day when you realize that all of your ideals are bullshit. I’m not saying that we’re facing the death of humanity, but we are stuck in a paradigm that will one day that spin out of control and collapse the entire system.

There’s no stopping it.

But in this collapse will rise a new paradigm. It might be a utopia of peace and equality. A totalitarian order. Or a complete collapse of society and government as we know it. There’s no telling.

But what I do know is that my ideals and philosophy will have no bearing on the direction of this new paradigm. We are living in the era of hopelessness.

The only choice we have is which side we’ll be on. Will we be vanguards of Love? Or champions of hate?

So I choose the abstract and I’ll-defined concept of Love.

But I’ve been forced to reevaluate some of my philosophical musings. I did not like what I read. The problem is that, here in America at least, we have the armchair anti-intellectual “intellectual” movement known as the “Intellectual Dark Web”. It certainly is dark. And unfortunately I can’t help but think that I’m engaging in what they’re doing: I’m an unqualified expert using definitions and arguments that  I don’t understand to affirm my worldview.

I don’t want to do that anymore. Whatever truths we seek are out there, it’s just arrogant to believe we’ve found them. There’s nothing left to be said.

Additionally, I’ve found myself out of place. I don’t know if I’m an old fart. Or maybe I spent too long being a drunk. But the Internet moves faster than I can keep up.

I only learned today that @dril is a thing….with a fucking Wikipedia page.

Perhaps the pace of information will bring us closer to a new paradigm in our own age.

I’ve been unabashed in my Marxist/Leftist views and support of the DSA. But the ceiling to this is all too apparent. The contradiction in capitalism is the championing and development of innovation while maintaining loyalty to the employer. Marxism too holds a contradiction: it must “sell” itself. It must mimic it’s capitalist overlords if it’s to gain any traction. The only meaning this world knows is that of material gain. It’s been accepted and internalized. If there’s to be a revolution, it has to start internally, cooperatively. Controlling the means of production is good and well, but one cannot find meaning in material production alone. Modern, Internet-dwelling Leftism is terrible at identifying and explaining this.

Demonizing the opposition is fun and gets the views, but is not a substitute for rigorous thought. Sure, I despise everything that conservatives and members of the alt-right stand for. But that’s my problem. If they want to hold onto their bullshit views, that’s their problem. But my ideals involve everyone coming together to make things right.

What kind of utopia would it be if thousands, or millions, had to be imprisoned or killed just to bring about a desired society?

Of course, American individualistic machismo is baked into the walls here. There’s no undoing that.

So we’re all fucked.

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