ASMR Community: The Last Great Hope For A Better Internet

Sometimes I troll people on Twitter when I’m bored.

When it’s time to interact with others, it’s difficult to venture back into normal conversation. People take life seriously, ya know? It’s like wondering from a dark cave into the comforting light of social conformity.

It’s jarring.

I often ponder reality outside of the mind. Which is impossible. We have to have minds to do pondering to begin with. It’s a futile exercise. BUT, I think the Internet provides a glimpse into that noumenal world:  the absolute nothingness that lies behind human interaction.

It’s terrifying and hilarious at the same time. One glimpse into this abyss, you realize that you know nothing. The Internet is the greatest of human achievements.

What do we have to show for it?

Once upon a time, there was Pepe the Frog.

We have UUUM (Useless, Unsuccessful, and/or Unpopular Memes)…perhaps the most important meme-producing movement of all time.

We also have Will Menaker’s version of Mike Cernovich’s “Gorilla Mindset”, which you can watch here:

In short, what the Internet has revealed to us is the troll behind the veil. It’s been lurking there for centuries… masquerading as civility, art, and politics. But  it was always disdain…disdain for not only each other, but for ourselves. This demon was bound to be unleashed, as foretold by the ancient texts. The Internet is more than a well of information…it is prophecy. Prophecy of our own demise, a fall that we welcome with open arms.

Maybe I should stay off the internet for awhile.

But the world wide web isn’t all grey wolves wondering the digital world looking to tear someone down. There is one last hope:

The ASMR community.

“You mean those incredibly attractive people that whisper shit into microphones?”

Precisely. It’s the last pure, untainted movement on the Internet.

Most people see it and think: “there’s gotta be something sexual to this.” Perhaps that’s the case for some. But for most: it’s relaxation, it’s therapeutic. Is it ‘weird’? Of course. But as I explained, the Internet is our psychological mirror…it’s not going to reveal anything normal. The ‘ASMRtists’ understand this. They know that there’s some perv out there whacking off to them popping bubbles. Yet they do it anyways….because they understand the goodness in people.

It’s brave. It’s altruistic. And I hereby declare ‘ASMRtists’ the one true hope for a better Internet, and for a better people.

May God save us all.


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