Quick Thought: I AM My Depression


I get it.

We want to feel like we fit in.

We want to be a part of a discussion.

We want to believe that “depression”, “anxiety”, ect. doesn’t define us.

I’m only speaking for myself here, but I’ve come to learn that that’s nonsense.  If that helps you, then God bless. But depression is who I am.

I don’t know what I’d be without it.

Calling depression or other mental conditions “evil”, an “illness”, or “not really who I am” is total fucking bullshit. My brain, and your brain, is shaped in a very specific way. It’s how we come to view the world. We didn’t choose to be this way. And we don’t know of any other way to be. People have been suffering from this shit for thousands of years. Depression has created tremendous works of art. “Insane” people have done insanely great things thanks in part to their unique perspective. It’s only a handicap if you see it that way.

I’ve visited many therapists. I’m not gonna lie. I’ve discussed this crap in detail. I’ve never found the “depression as illness” perspective helpful.

I’m done seeing it that way.

It’s just who I am.

When I learned to embrace it as part of my character, things started to change. I see doom and gloom. I know that it’s bullshit, but that’s how I see the world. It’s a part of my humor. My “illness” is the ONLY reason I write…it’s allowed me to be more sympathetic….it has formed my worldview.

It’s not good or bad. It just IS.

I’m not saying DON’T about your feelings. Talk! The more we talk, we’ll probably discover that most people have our problems. We need that. People need to know that nearly everyone is crazy. In all likelihood, YOU are crazy. We are all suffering from an “illness” of sorts.

I don’t mean to demean the blogs that take a “survivor” approach to mental illness. I’ve done that myself. It’s important work and I applaud them. But once when mental illness is “de-stigmatized”…what we’ll likely discover is that mental perfection doesn’t exist. We’re all surviving the world in our own odd way. I guess what I’m trying to say in my own convoluted way is that we’re all aliens in this world, but we find our commonality in our shared state of alien-ness.

We have to be crazy to live in this world. If you think you are normal…that is NOT normal. There are only two kinds of people in this world: crazy people and psychopaths. If you come across someone that’s normal and has seemingly never suffered a day in their life: they are a psychopath. They will kill you. Stay away from them. They are normies. They’re fascists. That’s why they’re deemed “normal” and we’re deemed crazy. But seriously, our “illness” is more like the “software” we use to handle the world.

Please don’t misunderstand me. This is a serious matter for many people. I know, I’ve been to rehab centers, psyche wards, emergency rooms…EVERYWHERE. Judge away! I just see myself for what I am: an oddball trying to fit in a square society. That’s what we all are.

Embrace it! Use it to paint a picture, make a sculpture, write a song, or say crazy things on a blog. We ARE our depression.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s