I don’t want to overhype this Brady-Guerrero thing, but…

branches&creatures

So I was in the middle of writing another post about a completely different subject when I happened across this article titled:

“Did Bill Belichick Boot Tom Brady’s Guru to Regain Total Control of the Patriots?” From Sports Illustrated.

“Lol! What?!?” I thought.

In case you haven’t heard, Belichick removed Alex Guerrero’s privliges by barring him from traveling with the Patriots, being on the sidelines during games, and being limited to treating Brady ONLY while on team premises. Guerrero is the mastermind behind Brady’s fitness plan and has been sued twice for his practices. Many have labeled him a snake oil salesman.

I really didn’t want to write an article about this, but I couldn’t shake it from my mind. A few months ago, after watching Blade Runner 2049, it occurred to me that Harrison Ford would play an EXCELLENT Bill Belichick…but what would the story be?! What sort of drama occurred in Belichick’s life or history with the Patriots would audiences WANT to see a dramatic (or comedic) recreation of?

I’m hoping we finally found it.

I know that I criticized journalism a few weeks ago, particularly sports journalism, for creating what amounted to bullshit stories. I even mentioned Bill Belichick in that article. So maybe this is what many would call a “nothing burger”. But I just want to entertain this for a moment.

To me, Tom Brady’s story has always seemed a little too perfect. A man (a gorgeous one at that) with modest athletic abilities, drafted in the sixth round, would later take over at starting quarterback for the New England PATRIOTS and lead them to the first Super Bowl since the September 11th Attacks. He would later lead them to six more Super Bowl appearances, winning five in total, countless amount of division titles, and being rewarded with many Pro Bowl selections, two league MVPs (and a possible third on the way), and being regarded as the greatest NFL player of all time. Brady also has a supermodel for a wife, and has seemingly found the fountain of youth with the help from Gurerro by continuing to play at a high level at age 40. I’m in my thirties and this guy has been dominating football since I was in middle school. Tom Brady, in other words, is perfect.

Yet Brady has made me raise my eyebrow a few times. Football players are competitive. Obviously. Brady, however, raises it to a new level. And I’m not saying that in praise, I’m saying that in a way that means Brady downright gets weird. For instance, at a time when he had only three Super Bowl rings, Brady got sacked. No big deal, this happens routinely in the NFL. Yet Brady continued to lay on the ground and started cursing at himself in a fit of rage. The only other time I’ve seen something like that was when Grayson Allen infamously lost his shit on the sideline. Many were weirded out by Allen’s meltdown, yet no one batted an eye at Brady. It was chalked up to his extreme “competitiveness”. Additionally, Brady…who again at the time ONLY had three Super Bowl rings…got a little too overjoyed at winning his fourth after beating the Seahawks.

“So what?”, you ask.

Sure, we’ll just say that he’s enthusiastic about football. But for me, Brady crosses the line into pure insanity. I almost get the feeling that he might beat himself physically after a bad game. I’m just sayin’. To my recollection, I have never seen other NFL greats take it to the level he has.

“Well to be the GOAT, you have to be crazy .” You might say.

But Brady gives me more of a “Tom Cruise-crazy” vibe than someone that’s overly enthusiastic about football.

There’s been other things as well. I really began to dislike him personally after an interview where he discussed the day he was drafted. When recalling being taken in the sixth round, he began to tear up because he “didn’t have to be an insurance salesman.” That was quite a dick thing to say. But he also failed to consider the fact that he was a handsome, 6’4, Michigan-graduate with a National Championship LITERALLY on his résumé. Even if he never played another down, I doubt he would have been resigned to his personal nightmare of being an insurance salesman. Doors would have been flung open for him had he of never been drafted. So despite this otherwise perfect story about this perfect man, there have been some odd things.

The media and the league THOUGHT that they finally caught Brady being less than perfect with DEFLATEGATE. Although now that story is considered widely overblown, from what I can recall, Brady’s behavior was slightly strange in that affair as well….even though the act of deflating balls, if it did occur, is small potatoes. But since then, he has won two more Super Bowls and no one wants to think about it anymore.

Now we have Alex Guerrero.

Where do I begin?

At first glance, this is a simple story. Belichick would certainly want you to believe so. Brady invites a guy in as a personal trainer and other players want this guy’s services, reportedly including Julian Edelman and Rob Gronkowski. Guerrero starts dispensing advice that contradicts the advice of the training staff, causing a slight rift. Next thing you know, the head coach revokes  Guerrero’s privliges.

Simple story. “We’re moving on to Cincinnati” as Belichick would say.

But then details start coming out about Guerrero himself; a man with no credentials, and sued twice for claiming to be a doctor and, I guess, selling items that he said would heal terminally ill people. Even his “pliability” doctrine that is working so well for Brady has been called into question. He now runs in the inner circle of the greatest player in NFL history…they even run a business together and Brady plans on making it his life’s mission after retirement to spread the good word of “pliability”.

How did a man who’s essentially been labeled a con artist get behind-the-scenes access to the greatest football team? These sorts of things have happened before…to bands, to actors…but never to professional sports teams.

And seemingly, Guerrero’s methods are working! A stroke of luck?

“So what’s the big deal?”, you might ask.

Perhaps you have spend an extraordinary amount of time with a genuine sociopath to recognize this. (Which I have. Dark story. Too weird. And painful) But what Guerrero is doing looks extremely similar to what a sociopath does: manipulate other people and their talents to get exposure. Others buy into their methods and charisma, which can often cause rifts. David Koresh, Charles Manson, and any CEO is an example of this. This is why cults form. And sometimes their talents can lead them to high places…like an NFL team.

This current “rift” within the Patriots might not have any major consequences. Hell, I wouldn’t be shocked if they win a sixth Super Bowl. But I had a vision today, a vision similar to that time when Philip K. Dick accurately predicted that his son was afflicted with an illness. I have a sixth sense when it comes to football, usually. It’s not right every time. For example, I predicted that the Tennessee Titans were going to the Super Bowl this year. Clearly I was wrong, HOWEVER, with the Jacksonville Jaguars surprisingly making the case for being the best team in the AFC…I might’ve gotten the division correct. So who’s laughing now? But I’m making another prediction…Tom Brady will retire at the end of this season.

When you get the feeling that something is too good to be true, there’s probably something to that feeling.

Is this whole post bonkers? Absolutely.

But I REALLY want to see Harrison Ford play Bill Belichick.

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