Now Hiring Interns! (Unpaid)

branches&creatures

I was driving around the other day cursing at traffic when it occurred to me: if I try hard enough, I could really grow my blog. But between a full time job and managing the bullshit in my life, there’s just not enough time.

So I’ve decided to hire on an intern. But I’m not looking for any old Tom, Dick, and Harry off the street. No sir. I’m looking for someone that would really match the culture we’ve built here at PR.

Responsibilities include:

  • Doing everything I tell you to do
  • Tell me I’m beautiful
  • Do everything my cat tells you to do
  • Have the autonomy to make creative decisions, but I get the final say on everything.

The ideal candidate must possess:

  • A GPA under 3.0
  • Be studying a useless major (business administration, English Literature, philosophy, etc)
  • Only attending college because a parent is making them go or a high school counselor convinced them it was a good idea.
  • An underachiever. We do not accept overachievers here. If you’ve worked too hard or over-thought something, you did it wrong.
  • Additionally, we DO NOT accept applications from those attending Ivy League, Public Ivy, or even Ivy Tech schools.
  • Over 30 years old.

Benefits include:

  • NO HEALTHCARE
  • Getting to work with me
  • Weekends off (except when I’m working)

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

When I graduate, will be hired on as a full-time employee?

With enough hard work anything is possible. But no.

Are you an Equal Employment Opportunity Provider?

Absolutely. We only discriminate against those from Indiana.

Are there physical requirements for the job?

No. In fact, physical labor is discouraged.

If you are interested in this opportunity, please email me the following information:

  • Three references that can attest to your abilities, or lack there of (drug dealers, former inmates, etc)
  • A writing sample that’s 10 words or less. If it can’t fit into Tweet, it’s too long. I don’t have all day, ya know?
  • A statement addressing why you want to intern for PHILOSOPHY REDUX. Be sure to include information about what you like about ME specifically.

Typical response time is 8 months to a year.

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